he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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