I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your cock deserves a montage
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
