When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
