cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
