Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize