how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
