If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
