alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
