The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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