it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
