Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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