Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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