Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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