alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
