and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
40s are totally the cure
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
