I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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