I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
