I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
