$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hippo gnu deer
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
