No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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