All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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