ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
