When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
