I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize