He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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