Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize