That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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