All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
