im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize