I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
