I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
