The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
