girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
