yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
