Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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