i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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