sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
