It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
