hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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