Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
