hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I take back everything I said about communal showers
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
