I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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