So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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