Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
