Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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