she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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