drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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