My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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