Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
