I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize