my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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