saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
