Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
