I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
