Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Farmville is her only friend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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