"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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