the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize