i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
barbara walters just said penis...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
