the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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