So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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