He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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