Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
