My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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