like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
