He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
