We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize