I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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