last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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