some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
