Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
