I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
