The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
