You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Blow job season was short but glorious.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
