We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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