She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
