I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
