Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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