you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize