She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
