i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
