Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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