Christians are straight up FREAKS
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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