Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
