If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize