So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
