who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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