Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
