Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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