if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
