For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
