Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
