i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
