Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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