24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
