you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
