I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
