Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize