his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
