you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
