Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
