Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
