do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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