he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
